When a loved one passes away a very coordinated structure of processes follows, at least in my country, which doesn’t allow the individual needed time to grieve, balance and settle.
For many all these duties are welcomed. I heard people say that they are at least busy doing something and feeling held in this business. Yet this can be a distraction to not having to feel painful sensations.
There are many reasons for this. One is a reason that is influenced from outside:
We want to be able to function in our daily life, in our job, in our family, with friends, in our activities outside our job, etc.
The reason we want, we NEED to function is that we only are assigned a certain time to grief, to move house, to brestfeed, to regenerate from nightshifts, to be on holiday, to survive outside hospital after a surgical intervention, to learn to write, to learn math, just to name a few.
This assigned time is determined by laws which are made by governments. This assignments of time spaces are not based on an individual need and in some or much more cases than we probably think cause a lot of longterm harm, which can not be traced obviously.
So for me the assigned time, which in this case was a 4 hours until I had to organize the first thing - a transport for the dead body of my mother - didn’t work.
I felt overwhelmed, I felt helpless in administering papers in another language besides all the papers and tasks in my own language. I felt just not ready to do all these things.
I just wanted a P A U S E .
I experienced becoming stuck and emotionally unstable, impatient and irritable.
Yet after a loved one passed away everyone understands this state of being.
But for me it was also a well known state although not in this intensity.
Do you know this state of being as well? When you are deep down exhausted, irritable and emotionally unstable but doing all the tasks you are expected to do?
I tried to choose one day of the week to dedicate myself to all the tasks I had to do concerning the passing away of my mother.
It didn’t work, because I felt an urge to get it done immediately in order that I can hold the overview.
It was in these months that CLOSING CYCLES was somehow simmering within me. With the passing away of my mother I became aware of the many layers of open cycles we can have within us. On an “administrative” but also emotional and mental level. And also our physical body has it’s own cycles!
When we have too many open cycles - this can be also on an unconscious level - it can create that we delay things or avoid it or doing it compulsively and then become even more exhausted and scattered.
In this state there is no space for pleasure and rest because on a deeper level we are urged to do things and then somehow stay in tension.
CLOSING CYCLES became something like a rescue ritual for me.
Closing cycles brings awareness to what we have in the temporary and main storage and will help to decide what we complete and what we let go in order to make space and capacity to process new inputs. This space allows us to welcome in pleasure, ease, friendships, rest, capacity for the body to regenerate, dance and all the abundant things the universe outside and inside us provides us with.
This can be helpful, if....
you feel exhausted and tired to deal with certain tasks
you get easily irritated
you mention often internally or to others "I should" or "we should"
you desire to do things with friends or alone and have difficulties in taking action
you delay things or actions
you feel stuckness in your body ( this can be just a sensation or go even more physical like digestion problems)